Wrapping It Up
I call up our Editor in Chief around 4:30 p.m., lamenting my lack of Farmville status symbols. For just 69 Farm Bucks, I report, I could be the proud new owner of a Deluxe Lodge, which would go perfectly with my incoming wheat crop. I would also really like to own a coconut tree, and something called a “secret cow”, a beast that sounds realistically implausible but at the same time intriguing. He informs me that my Farmville finances will definitely be on the company’s radar, but in light of our nation’s current economy my avatar might have to live in a tent for the next fiscal quarter.
Overall, I award Farmville 2 1/2 bags of fertilizer.
- Game allows you to pretend you have some sort of agricultural degree by placing both dull and exotic animals and plants in your charge.
- If you’re too lazy to maintain your farm, it appears that your neighbors can step in and do some of it for you. Or they might do this anyway if they’re bored. Which they are. Because they’re on Farmville.
- I know I made fun of it before, but you can have a freakin’ villa on your farm’s property. I, for one, can guarantee with almost 100 percent certainty that I will never own a villa. Anywhere. You can’t put a price on that kind of escapism. Well, I guess you can, since it costs 1 million imaginary farming coins. Or roughly $566 real dollars. Let that sink in.
- Having the option to own a hot rod tractor. While it sounds cool in theory, there’s a reason The Fast and the Furious features vehicles that don’t start with “John” or end with “Deere.” Why? Because there isn’t a single agricultural function of a tractor that requires you to exceed 20 mph, and doing so will result in the accidental damage of your equipment. No joke.
- Not enough man-on-fox violence. They might look cute when they’re young, but it’s a known fact that every fox grows up to be a vicious, godless creature that will destroy (or at least frighten) the world around it.
- No virtual credit card option. Trust me, it’s just a thief’s paradise waiting to happen.
- Too much irony.
- I refuse to believe there exists any elephant farms on this earth. Or at least America.
On a side note, does anyone know how to change the name of your farm to “Residence of the Fox Avenger”?