Choose Your Own Ending: Steve Jobs is Dead

Yesterday, somebody at Bloomberg updated Steve Jobs’ 17-page obituary– and accidentally pushed it across the wire, in spite of warnings, in all caps, to “HOLD FOR RELEASE- DO NOT USE. The lede, inadvertently, is the most macabre Mad Lib you’ve ever seen: Steve Jobs has [verb]. He was [number]. “[quote here]“, said [somebody relevant]. And, in case you’re interested, he died in [geographical location], is survived by [names of people in the room], and, over the course of his tenure, Apple’s stocks rose as high as $[number] and dropped to $[number]. The funny thing isn’t that Bloomberg has an obit on file for Jobs; news organizations regularly write obituaries for important people, and Jobs, in particular, has battled pancreatic cancer. What’s curious is that Bloomberg is updating Jobs’ obit now. After looking gaunt in public in recent months, people have been wondering if his cancer has returned. Although Jobs pretty much came out and said that’s not true, perhaps Bloomberg is unconvinced. But anyway. I digress. When Steve Jobs’ obituary appears as a Mad Lib, the possiblities for hilarity are endless. What happened to dear old Steve? Tell us a story in the comments.